h1: The 9 Worst Mistakes When Solving a Conflict
Solving a conflict can allow us not only to reach common ground. Besides, we learn from the process and can create even stronger relationships with others. Good communication can improve relationships and help increase intimacy and trust with people around. It is also an ideal and effective strategy to solve a conflict because we learn how to express ourselves with assertiveness, we listen sincerely, and we also manage to deal with emotions properly.
Thus, when problems arise, the difference between good and bad communication is decisive. It should be said that frequently, many of us aren't qualified in this type of competence. When disagreements, problems, and differences arise, it is easy to go to extremes. And it is just at that moment when we perceive the lack of negotiation skills. We point out that people tend to see conflicts as negative dimensions. In fact, we forget how enriching it can be to solve these situations, learn from the process, and even achieve agreements with the most significant people at the end.
It is necessary to know the most common mistakes that we usually make when facing a conflict. Let's look through them.
1. Avoid the Problem
Many people try to avoid conflicts. But, evading the problem does not help to solve a conflict at all. What it causes is the increase in the frustration of the other.
We must be aware that things are not going to be solved by themselves. If we can detect the disagreement or the problem as soon as possible and give it a solution, we will reduce the stress, the negative emotions, and the intensity of the conflict.
2. Putting Oneself into the Defensive
One of the main errors when solving a conflict that we usually commit is putting ourselves on the defensive. People use to state only our vision and only our ideas. Thus, we refuse to pay attention to what the other has to say.
Then, it seems that we end up defending ourselves instead of expressing what we think and trying to solve the conflict. We lose objectiveness and cause others to defend themselves as well, which contributes to worsening the problem. This attitude implies denying any responsibility "by default" and almost unconsciously. This way, it is impossible to solve anything and come to any conclusion.
Therefore, it is necessary for us to be more empathetic and practice active listening to others' opinions.
It is a big mistake when it comes to solving a conflict. Speaking in common terms is usually a resource for non-personalizing, but the effect obtained is devastating.
Avoid expressions like "always" or "never" — now, it is vital for you to talk about one precise issue. Likewise, we should also avoid speaking in plural or involving several people when it is only about one or two participants.
4. Being Strict about the Way of Doing Things
Oftenly, we insist on thinking that things can only be done in a certain way, and we don't accept the way someone else has to do it.
Many conflicts are generated simply because we insist that the other does things or solve situations in the same way we do.
5. Believing that We Know the Thoughts of Others
In many occasions, it is easier for us to act according to what we think the other thinks, taking for granted things that aren't appropriate. This form of "unhealthy psychoanalysis" generates misunderstandings and even more challenging conflicts.
6. Talk, talk, talk ... and Don't Listen
Speaking without thinking that the other also has something to say is a classic error. Interrupting the opposite side without letting them finish their thought or speak is another bad custom.
All these aspects are errors that don't help resolve the conflict in no way because they lead to misunderstandings and conclusions that do not take into account what the other says.
7. Manipulating the Other's Guilt
To blame someone else for what has happened and try to make them feel responsible for the conflict is a great mistake (even if it is true). First, because we don't know what happened or why, and ignore our own involvement in the issue.
Second, because the other becomes defensive while trying to solve the problem while being blinded by the feeling of guilt you've put on them. The responsibility is hard to accept.
8. Focus on "Winning" the Dispute
Many people like to win the dispute by all means. For that, they manipulate and twist the information, and look for the way to get away with it.
All that only complicates the problem and, instead of solving a conflict, enlarges it. Such a strategy can lead to an absurd rivalry that entails nothing positive.
9. Putting More Conflicts in the Conversation
If it is difficult to solve one issue, things become dramatically impossible when they are mixed. Always keep in mind your previous conflict-solving mistakes and do your best to provide smooth communication that will lead to mutual agreement.
Besides, the other party may interpret it as if you have more desire to attack than to resolve the conflict itself. Solving the dispute should be a priority.
All these aspects seem obvious, but we often forget them and act selfishly and irresponsibly. It's not about winning or losing a conflict or trying to find guilty parties. The problem is that we are forced to act in these ways because the other party uses verbal violence in the conversation. Being assertive and trying to sort things out should be the fundamental premise. Then, we can solve a conflict successfully.